are we there yet?

so tired of the drive....it's long, and hot, and so many times i can't see out the windows for all of the fog that my breath makes on them...constantly talking and wondering and praying aloud makes for alot of steamy windows. talking talking talking, drowning out the pretty music on the radio. bad thing is, i'm in the backseat...absolutely no idea where i am going, and i have that out-of-control feeling...that one that comes over me so many times when i try to crawl behind the wheel and take myself where i want to go, only to realize that i can't drive worth CRAP. every single time i take the wheel, i crash into some tree, or drive over some majorly huge bump in the road..taking it at 90 miles an hour. so. here i sit. in the back seat where i belong..hot, cranky, and absolutely unsure of where i'm going.

are we there yet?

Stripped

here i am again..in the middle of a period of testing. obedience is so hard when your heart is broken. but that's what God wants. my obedience, no matter how much it hurts or how hard it is to choose Him. the bleeding starts when He begins to strip away my securities..one by one, He peels them away, like layers of skin. ouch...know how it feels to fall down and get a wicked little brush burn on your knees? yeah. that's it. that's the feeling. one of the biggest securities that He strips away is Confidence. it's hard to hang on to it when all that you put your confidence in is shaking, like an earthquake beneath your feet. He is telling me - no, wait a minute, make that SCREAMING at me - to stop trusting in anything that this world offers...job, church, relationships, dreams, desires..
all of it, apart from Him, amounts to rubble and ruin. and the peeling continues..layer after layer of gods. big ones, little ones, ones i never knew i had. it's amazing how strong and confident and spiritually mature i feel when all is going my way and the ground beneath my feet is solid. but let one little tremor happen and the story changes. it's amazing though...in the midst of it all i cry out - begging Him to save me from the impending disaster..and lo and behold, He does it. a peace that truly passes ANY and ALL understanding washes over me and through me, and i hear a gentle whisper..'trust in me..with ALL of your heart, and lean NOT unto your own understanding...in all your ways acknowledge ME..and i will direct your paths..'

yeah. you will, won't you?