the pain of pruning

man. when God decides He's gonna break us down..change us...rearrange us...and make us take a long and hard look at ourselves, He doesn't mess around. i have found myself saying the words, 'break me'...'change me'....'stir me'...without realizing that my loving Heavenly Father would take me up on the offer. ouch. shaking me to my foundations is what the Lord does best..but i don't often ask Him to do it..because it hurts. a deep, unimaginable pain that eats away at my spirit, like some flesh-eating parasite. but the wildest thing about God is that, in the process..there is peace.

the word says in john 15:2 that,..'He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes, so that it will be even more fruitful..." freakish thang, that God-pruning. i feel the clippers close to my dead branches...i shudder with the fear of the pain of the clipping, but am thankful for the reminder in His word that He prunes us lovingly and purposefully, with the end-result being a beautiful, strong tree that produces fruit; more fruit than it can handle! man..that's what i want! i have been desperately seeking the Lord's hand in my life..asking Him not to leave me to fall asleep again..asking Him to fan the flame of passion that burns within me and to keep stirring the waters of my soul. this pain..this stirring..this crazy restlessness, is all so much better than feeling like i am trapped in a world of irrelevance and useless doctrine...but that's another thought for another day and another blog:o)

for today..i am thanking and praising God for the pruning process...anxious for the beautiful fruit that will grow and be used to nourish the hungry souls of others.

to joy, or not to joy?

cool thought for the day, ya'll.

JOY.

'joy is not hypocrisy nor pollyannaism..joy is REALISTIC. it knows that life is painted in light and dark colors - that it has its contrasts - but that growth can come in all of these moods and times.'

*fred smith, 'you and your network'

so..my thoughts on this subject? this just means that whether i have a smile on my face that doesn't make sense to anyone but me and Jesus, or whether i'm deep in thought and completely distracted and not looking particularly 'engaged' in the things of this world - it's all good...

cuz it's ALL JOY:o)

i'm out!
rho

reflection vs. perfection

2nd Corinthians 3:18

..'but we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image, from glory unto glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord!...' (nkjv)

what this means, essentially, is that i am a big, life-sized mirror of God; reflecting HIS glory wherever i go! yikes. that makes me stand up straight, clear my throat, and take my life a little more (okay, a LOT more) seriously!

could this possibly mean that i'm not here on this earth...for ME???? could it mean that as God's daughter - an heiress to the Kingdom - i was created to look like Him and reflect HIS image, and not to strive to perfect my own?!? alright alright..so that's a little tongue-in-cheek. i have, in all honesty, always tried to be a heart modeled after Him..i have prayed a daily prayer asking the Lord to make me invisible, so that others could see only HIM when they are with me. He is gracious and good to answer my prayers - when i'm open and focused on that.. but then, as is the 'human way', there are still those times when i get caught up in that self-scrutiny, trying to cross and dot all of my spiritual t's and i's...and i'll get a gentle, whisper in my spirit saying: 'rho....reflect...not perfect...'

whoa.

suddenly i feel very very........small.

i've learned this lesson before, and i have no doubt that i will need to learn it again..and again...

and oh yes...again.

me

the lesser passions

ah...here we go. after weeks of lurking and reading, reading and lurking, i finally take the plunge into a blog-a-licious world. i've been blogging for ages, but not here, so i'm new to you guys, anyway. i guess all that you really need to know about me is that i love to stir things up. in a good way. love to discuss things that i am passionate about, and i must say there are many subjects that fall under that category. hence, the title of this particular blog:)

some time ago, a friend of mine, knowing that i love max lucado's books and writings, gave me a card with a quote of his on the front. it's a quote that reminded her of me...and of the many conversations that we have had about seeking the deeper things of God...the passion that fuels the fire of our spirits and drives us absolutely mad, all at the same time. if you don't mind, i'm gonna share the quote with you.

"....God rewards those who seek Him. not those who seek
doctrine or religion or systems or creeds. many settle for
these lesser passions, but the reward goes to those who
settle for nothing less than Jesus Himself. and what is the
reward? what awaits those who seek Jesus? nothing short
of the heart of Jesus."

wow. well, for me, that's it. those words have been my challenge for many years before i ever read them...before mr. lucado ever penned them. i have found myself being so stirred, so unsettled, so completely and totally CRAZY with spiritual thirst, that i have been forced to settle for those lesser passions...the ones that are 'acceptable' to other churchgoers..the ones that don't get us in trouble when we talk about them..the ones that don't challenge those that you are with and bring with them an uncomfortable silence that eventually forces you to change the subject or walk away with the 'unsaid' hanging in the air, like a bad smell.

to put it plainly...i have settled for the lesser passions to SURVIVE.

but, as is always the case and the now-familiar pattern...the lesser passions do not satisfy the hunger or quench the thirst. and here i am again..in this place..this valley of indecision.

do i want to survive? or do i want to allow this fire to take me into the depths of who Jesus really is...the HEART of Jesus?

in either case, i will burn.

so..here it is. time to post. i've got a whole lot going on and not one thing to say about it. or is it that i am just feeling lazy and wanting to bob along with the crazywild current..letting it take me where it may? i really have no one in particular that i want to talk to about such things, other than this page and the One who knows all things before i know them. i came to this little blog in the world, and decided to stay awhile. not sure how long i will visit, or even if i will have company while i'm here, but i will enjoy the moment nonetheless. i have, of late, been in a 'doing' mode, without alot of time to visit my 'being' mode. i am a big believer in getting away from the noise - whatever color or volume level that noise may be - and just being. however, lately there has been no time for getting away from the crowded spaces of my life. i find myself in the middle of deadlines, obligations, and pressures that i can't possibly escape from until the deadlines are met and the obligations are fulfilled. so..as i sit here, i realize that i feel a resentment rising within me. a small, barely distinguishable voice that rises from amongst all of the others, struggling to be heard, gaining volume as my outside forces squeeze harder to get more blood from this sad little turnip. 'get away!', it cries...'get away from all of this and just run to where it is quiet and warm and safe and you feel like YOU again!' but i realize that the voice is one that i cannot heed..cannot acknowledge in any way, lest i fall into the trap of doing less and giving less than my best to my Saviour, the One from whom and for whom all that i do exists.. so my solution is this: i will continue to focus on The One...and give Him every ounce of every obligation, every deadline, and every pressure...offering it to Him as a gift, expecting nothing in return, but always gaining PEACE.

go crazy

think i found a spot...a thinking-on-paper place. think i'll stay here for awhile til the water gets warm:)